Thanks for the Vikings
(This will be the first in my on-going installment series “Why are these still countries?” where I examine the accomplishments of a country and question why they are still allowed on the world stage. While such an exploration is rife with opportunities for personal vendetta toward the offenders, I assure you my strength of character and stalwart pursuit of the truth and beauty of this world will always guide the venting of my spleen.)
Normally I would single out a particular country but the greatest accomplishment of all four these blights on civilization this their collective contribution of the Viking’s murderous rampage through Europe, and beyond, though you can’t really fault the Vikings for want to get the hell out that area. Still, their lack of sensitivity to the cultures they overwhelmed is hard to forgive.
When my thoughts do wander into the Swefinnormarklanddendenway area, I have the simultaneous urge to reach for stimulants to stay awake through the journey and anti-depressants to survive it, much like watching an Ibsen play. I hesitate about the interaction of the drugs, however, as a headache could only be the result, again, like Ibsen.
By country, the major contributions of Scandinavia, less the Vikings:
Denmark: The Danish, a second class donut they named their citizens after.
Sweden: Saab. No insult is necessary, really.
Finland: Paavo Nurmi. The only “Flying Finn” because they can’t figure out how to build a plane.
And then there’s Norway: It is shocking and incomphrensable to me how a country with such stark, majestic natural beauty, (the fjords-a word they made up and continue to misspell) could produce the rolling eyesore on the automotive landscape that is Volvo. The worst thing is Volvos last FOREVER so what is at first a jarring misappropriation of the concept of style becomes a sustained assault on aesthetics. Almost a pattern emerging…
Get with it! You can’t really be trying!
Let me speak for the world when I say we’re tired of dragging your morbid asses into the future. Start pulling you own weight or we’re going to end global warming and let you continue to slow-ski your way forward!